T-Shirt Snobbery

I have known many men who, at the offer of a free t-shirt, come running - I am not one of those men.  There are simply too many unknowns:  1) In what must I participate in order to receive it? - 2) Doesn't "free" really mean "crappy"? - 3) Is it a "one-size-fits-all" offer? (which generally means Double XL's all the way around).  I don't want any more "free" t-shirts, they never make it out of my closet. I've thought through this more than I should, and I have my conclusions.

First and foremost, being mildly selective when purchasing (or receiving) a t-shirt - is more than just okay, it's necessary.  The push-back, of course, comes from those clinging to the ideal strong and silent type of yesteryear - the man's man who wore whatever his wife set out for him because 'being fashionable' just wasn't on his radar. After all, that kind of talk belongs in the sitting room with the woman folk.  However (I would contend) that kind of man worked in the factory for 30-40 plus years and didn't have access to the killer graphic T's that we do!  Am I right, or am I right?!?! Seriously friends, and hear me on this:  I am in no way condoning a metrosexual worldview, just a healthy balance between all things "Affliction", and old-school Wrangler denim.

Second, and practically just as important, you need a system.  How to quickly and painlessly decide whether or not a particular t-shirt warrants your further consideration.  There is no fail-safe methodology here - but here are a few non-bulleted bullet points that may help:

1) Look at the BRAND - if the tag says Gildan, Jerzees, or Hanes Beefy T...walk away.  Alternative and/or American Apparel are considered slightly trendy, but are recommended nonetheless.

2) Consider the LENGTH - a) of the shirt itself - and b) of it's sleeves.  The shirt itself should sit just barely above the crotch, at least halfway down your backside (depending on the sag of your jeans and the scope of your buttocks).  The sleeves should come to rest no more than an inch or two above the elbow.  Again balance is the key - finding a happy space somewhere between Smedium and G-Unit is advised.  NEWS-FLASH:  If you're still rocking Hollister or anything with a white seagull cresting your left breast, do us all a favor:  go home, take it off, and burn it - then burn the closet or drawer where it used to come to rest.  This brand violates both of these - and yes, it's time to let go.

3) Examine the FIT - Someone, somewhere once said, "no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace by those who have been trained by it".  Sketchy use of Scripture I know, but here's my point:  I hate fitting rooms just as much as (or more than) the next guy.  I always feel like I'm in a prison cell - a prison cell with full length mirrors and a really helpful guard  who just wants to get me the right size.  However, this momentary inconvenience has a huge payoff - I know the shirt works before I walk out of the store with it.  There should be fitting rooms for hair-cuts.

Of course there are other factors to consider (i.e. "is this me" is often overlooked but of central importance) -  but a simple awareness that you don't have to wear just any t-shirt is a doorway to freedom.  May you run blissfully through it pulling along others as you go!